On Friday, the boys and I drove to NH to see our closest friends P and H. We have known them since 1996 or 1997. A long time. Anyway, H and I went to the town pool and went swimming. Well, we started out in the big pool, but neither boy would allow H to hold them, so I could focus on the other one. Since Q is always with P or I, i had no idea he even noticed me. It was really sweet to see him reaching for me, when he wasn't in my arms. So we went to the wading pool, that was 1 foot deep. I held Q, while he kicked around and bounced up and down; and S played in the water. I love how S has no fear of the water. He found a chair with 3 legs that he kept trying to sit in, in the water. He would tip over backwards, go totally underwater, and come up laughing and sputtering every time. Then we played at the playground and went to P and H's house. Their nephew is 1.5 years older than S, so they played together for another hour or so. It was so nice to be outside, watching the kids play, watching the sun go down. I can't wait until S and Q are old enough to play together like that.
I am still playing hamster wheel in my head with O and her possibly going to visit her family in FL. I don't want her to get hurt. I don't want them to convince her that all is well, so she stays. I don't want them to guilt her into staying. And I am so scared that I finally allowed myself to form a bond with her, and she will leave. I am so worried for how this will go. They are acting like they never said terrible things to her when she chose to stay, or that no one called her on her birthday or xmas. Or that her mother would go 6-8 weeks in between calls; and when she did call it was to yell at her or tell her how bad things were. O is 14, almost 15. She has dealt with more than any kid her age should have to. I know she needs to see them, and maintain contact, but I don't want her (and selfishly, myself, P or the boys) to get hurt any more. Time will tell, I guess.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Because the heat is good for everyone's mood
Here are S and Q at Q's 6 month check up. Crappy cell phone pic, but you can see the light in their eyes!The heat is killing us here. Everyone is edgy and moody. Q sweats and cries b/c he is too hot. The only time he is happy is when he is in an air conditioned room. And S doesn't ever want to stay in 1 place for more than 10 minutes. This is not the best. And O is pissy and attitudy. Which makes me want to toss some attitude back. but being the parent means I can't. The entitled attitude is killing me. Telling versus asking is not going over well.
Last night, Paul had a terrible night with the boys. As I was trying to leave for work, Q was crying and crying. So they went into our bedroom, with the AC on and had a picnic of watermelon and string cheese for dinner. Go nutritious meals mom! From what I hear, tonight was similar.
High point-Q had his 6 month check up today. He weighed in at 21.15 pounds! Seriously. He went from the 30th (ish) percentile to the 96th percentile! I am so very happy about this. All boob! I did it. I have tried not to put too much pressure on breastfeeding, but if I was being honest, it means everything to me to be able to nurse him and have him thrive.
Low point-I got my feelings hurt today. When I was pregnant with Q, I did not have a baby shower. No one gave us gifts, no one came to the hospital; and after we came home, 1 family came to see us and meet him. No one at my work did anything at all, no card, no gifts, even after he was born, I never heard from anyone. I thought the lack of celebration was because he was my second in 2 years. And we didn't need anything, having just had S. But I really wanted some sort of acknowledgement, even just a call. Now, a girl I work with is about to have her second baby. And she is being thrown a shower. And I am so hurt and so sad I don't even know what to do with these feelings. I am not best friends with my co-workers; but I thought we were close enough. And yet it turns out that I am still on the outside of things. I am so sad about this.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Trying to Blog Daily
ok, so I am going to take a different approach with this, and try to focus more on day to day life, with some longer, story stuff tossed in when I have time.
High point-S picking some weeds in the yard and running up to give them to me, while yelling "Happy Birthday Mommy, Happy Special Mommy's Day". It isn't my birthday or Mother's Day, but it was the first time he brought me flowers. I almost cried. Then I gave them back to him and said "Happy Birthday S, Happy Special S Day".
Low Point-it is so bloody hot. It was 92 degrees, in the house, today. Naptime was the best, because we were in the air conditioned bedroom. But Q hates the heat, and cried in the terrible, end of the world way. He did this anytime he got too warm, which was often in this heat. And anytime he cried like that, S would get all upset, trying to tell him"Q, Q, it's ok, Mommy will help" Then he would cover his ears and cry himself. Too much for me, that's for sure.
O's mother called today. It has been almost 6 weeks since she last called. Maybe more. And there is always a reason. I lost the number. Things have been crazy. How can you lose your 14 year old child's phone number? How can things be so crazy that you can't find the time or motivation to call your own child? And this will wreck O up, and she will be pissy and mad over the next week or so. Because it is too much for a 14 year old to deal with. I try to pretend that we can get through the next 4 years without anymore potential drama with her family. And after that, tell them to fuck off and just be done with it. I guess time will tell, right?
High point-S picking some weeds in the yard and running up to give them to me, while yelling "Happy Birthday Mommy, Happy Special Mommy's Day". It isn't my birthday or Mother's Day, but it was the first time he brought me flowers. I almost cried. Then I gave them back to him and said "Happy Birthday S, Happy Special S Day".
Low Point-it is so bloody hot. It was 92 degrees, in the house, today. Naptime was the best, because we were in the air conditioned bedroom. But Q hates the heat, and cried in the terrible, end of the world way. He did this anytime he got too warm, which was often in this heat. And anytime he cried like that, S would get all upset, trying to tell him"Q, Q, it's ok, Mommy will help" Then he would cover his ears and cry himself. Too much for me, that's for sure.
O's mother called today. It has been almost 6 weeks since she last called. Maybe more. And there is always a reason. I lost the number. Things have been crazy. How can you lose your 14 year old child's phone number? How can things be so crazy that you can't find the time or motivation to call your own child? And this will wreck O up, and she will be pissy and mad over the next week or so. Because it is too much for a 14 year old to deal with. I try to pretend that we can get through the next 4 years without anymore potential drama with her family. And after that, tell them to fuck off and just be done with it. I guess time will tell, right?
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Sleep or Lack There Of
I really thought that this time around, we were avoiding any sleep difficulties.
S broke us in well. We tried for about 12 months to insist he sleep in the crib, take fabulous naps and we wasted obscene amounts of time trying to mold a newborn and then a baby's sleep schedule to what we thought it should be. Match in point, he slept with us from about a year to about 27 months. And finally, in the past 3 weeks, he has been sleeping through the night and taking decent naps. Those months where he wasn't sleeping with us, and we were trying to force the crib were hell. He was up every 15-30 minutes, crying, screaming. And I know, cry it out. We just weren't down with that. He's a baby, and we need to be there for all his needs. Still I remember nodding off on the way to and from work or having to leave work early b/c I was getting migraines from being so tired.
Then Q comes along. He wants to go to bed at 8pm and not be disturbed from then, until about 8am the next day. Of course boob throughout the night is important. And we are co-sleeping. And he is never put down for any length of time. But he slept and slept and slept.
My favorite time of day was nap time. At 1:45, S, Q and I would all pile into my bed. Q would side lay and nurse, and S would snuggle up against me. And we would sleep for up to 2 hours. Then wake up and snuggle for awhile. But in the past week, Q has been waking up after about 40 minutes, to laugh and yell and try to wake his brother up. I know, he is 6 months old, he can't be trying to wake him up. But he is. And then S gets up, having taken only half of a nap. So I have been putting S to sleep on his own, while Q and I go relax downstairs. And it makes me so sad. I loved those afternoons with them. I felt like I was finally parenting S the way I wanted, by giving him all the love and affection he wanted.
I know they can't be little forever. I know they won't want to snuggle with Mama forever. So I will enjoy it while it lasts. But I will always remember the first 5-6 months of naps, feeling to close to my boys, sharing sleep.
And damn, it turns out, my body really needed that 1.5-2 hours of sleep. I am dozing off everywhere and can't seem to motivate to do anything.
S broke us in well. We tried for about 12 months to insist he sleep in the crib, take fabulous naps and we wasted obscene amounts of time trying to mold a newborn and then a baby's sleep schedule to what we thought it should be. Match in point, he slept with us from about a year to about 27 months. And finally, in the past 3 weeks, he has been sleeping through the night and taking decent naps. Those months where he wasn't sleeping with us, and we were trying to force the crib were hell. He was up every 15-30 minutes, crying, screaming. And I know, cry it out. We just weren't down with that. He's a baby, and we need to be there for all his needs. Still I remember nodding off on the way to and from work or having to leave work early b/c I was getting migraines from being so tired.
Then Q comes along. He wants to go to bed at 8pm and not be disturbed from then, until about 8am the next day. Of course boob throughout the night is important. And we are co-sleeping. And he is never put down for any length of time. But he slept and slept and slept.
My favorite time of day was nap time. At 1:45, S, Q and I would all pile into my bed. Q would side lay and nurse, and S would snuggle up against me. And we would sleep for up to 2 hours. Then wake up and snuggle for awhile. But in the past week, Q has been waking up after about 40 minutes, to laugh and yell and try to wake his brother up. I know, he is 6 months old, he can't be trying to wake him up. But he is. And then S gets up, having taken only half of a nap. So I have been putting S to sleep on his own, while Q and I go relax downstairs. And it makes me so sad. I loved those afternoons with them. I felt like I was finally parenting S the way I wanted, by giving him all the love and affection he wanted.
I know they can't be little forever. I know they won't want to snuggle with Mama forever. So I will enjoy it while it lasts. But I will always remember the first 5-6 months of naps, feeling to close to my boys, sharing sleep.
And damn, it turns out, my body really needed that 1.5-2 hours of sleep. I am dozing off everywhere and can't seem to motivate to do anything.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
And here we go...
First post. So much pressure to convey how clever and interesting this blog has the potential to be. I think it might be a miracle if anyone reads this in the first place, so I think I will just write what I think is interesting or important and go from there.
I realized that I love reading others blogs. Part of it is the total voyuer, getting to peek into others lives. It is also seeing how others do things and what makes sense to other families. I like following their day to day journeys. I also hope this will serve as a record of life during these intense years.
I guess introductions are in order here-
I am Michelle. I am 33 years old. I grew up in CT, now live in MA. I don't know if I could ever leave New England. Seasons are part a part of me at this point. Went to various religious/private schools from 3rd grade on. For college, I went to a little school in VT and finally found myself. I had spent my whole life being the odd one out, and feeling desperate about it. High school gave me a few close friends, but college was where I finally made peace with who I was. It was ok to be a loner, to like to read, to enjoy weird music, and all of those things that no one else really got about me over the years.
My husband is Paul. We met in college. How we met is still being debated, but I remember the first time he hugged me. It was a feeling I wanted to have for the rest of my life. Much rockiness and life drama in the middle, but we are where we want to be now. And he continues to make me happier than I ever knew was possible.
Our step-daughter is Ocean. Paul dated her mom, when her mom was pregnant with her. Then after they broke up, he (and we) stayed involved. And now she lives with us. She is 14, and a hell of a girl. She is the nature nurture debate played out in real life. She loved music, manga and being different. And is so like Paul it makes me happy.
Our first son is Soren. He is 2 years, 6 months. People say 2 is terrible, but I am having a lot of fun. I enjoy every second with him and try to imagine it getting better and can't. Soren is pretty needy and was a very intense baby.
Our second son is Quinneas. He is 6 months old. He is completly different from Soren, which surprised me. He is so mellow and good natured. He sleeps!
Our dog is Yuki. I am a dog person, and do everything I can do to give him love and attention, in the midst of our life chaos.
We are incredibly liberal. We are pretty attachment-y in our parenting. In general, we look at things differently from the general population. Our house is full of books, only 1 tv and 3 computers.
What else? I have worked in Special Education for 10 years. I fell into, and love it. I work nights and weekends now. I stay home with the kids during the day. We play and go to the park and do all the fun things you can do with 2 little people.
I think this is enough of an intro, otherwise you might not want to read more-
I realized that I love reading others blogs. Part of it is the total voyuer, getting to peek into others lives. It is also seeing how others do things and what makes sense to other families. I like following their day to day journeys. I also hope this will serve as a record of life during these intense years.
I guess introductions are in order here-
I am Michelle. I am 33 years old. I grew up in CT, now live in MA. I don't know if I could ever leave New England. Seasons are part a part of me at this point. Went to various religious/private schools from 3rd grade on. For college, I went to a little school in VT and finally found myself. I had spent my whole life being the odd one out, and feeling desperate about it. High school gave me a few close friends, but college was where I finally made peace with who I was. It was ok to be a loner, to like to read, to enjoy weird music, and all of those things that no one else really got about me over the years.
My husband is Paul. We met in college. How we met is still being debated, but I remember the first time he hugged me. It was a feeling I wanted to have for the rest of my life. Much rockiness and life drama in the middle, but we are where we want to be now. And he continues to make me happier than I ever knew was possible.
Our step-daughter is Ocean. Paul dated her mom, when her mom was pregnant with her. Then after they broke up, he (and we) stayed involved. And now she lives with us. She is 14, and a hell of a girl. She is the nature nurture debate played out in real life. She loved music, manga and being different. And is so like Paul it makes me happy.
Our first son is Soren. He is 2 years, 6 months. People say 2 is terrible, but I am having a lot of fun. I enjoy every second with him and try to imagine it getting better and can't. Soren is pretty needy and was a very intense baby.
Our second son is Quinneas. He is 6 months old. He is completly different from Soren, which surprised me. He is so mellow and good natured. He sleeps!
Our dog is Yuki. I am a dog person, and do everything I can do to give him love and attention, in the midst of our life chaos.
We are incredibly liberal. We are pretty attachment-y in our parenting. In general, we look at things differently from the general population. Our house is full of books, only 1 tv and 3 computers.
What else? I have worked in Special Education for 10 years. I fell into, and love it. I work nights and weekends now. I stay home with the kids during the day. We play and go to the park and do all the fun things you can do with 2 little people.
I think this is enough of an intro, otherwise you might not want to read more-
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