Sleep or Lack There Of

I really thought that this time around, we were avoiding any sleep difficulties.

S broke us in well. We tried for about 12 months to insist he sleep in the crib, take fabulous naps and we wasted obscene amounts of time trying to mold a newborn and then a baby's sleep schedule to what we thought it should be. Match in point, he slept with us from about a year to about 27 months. And finally, in the past 3 weeks, he has been sleeping through the night and taking decent naps. Those months where he wasn't sleeping with us, and we were trying to force the crib were hell. He was up every 15-30 minutes, crying, screaming. And I know, cry it out. We just weren't down with that. He's a baby, and we need to be there for all his needs. Still I remember nodding off on the way to and from work or having to leave work early b/c I was getting migraines from being so tired.

Then Q comes along. He wants to go to bed at 8pm and not be disturbed from then, until about 8am the next day. Of course boob throughout the night is important. And we are co-sleeping. And he is never put down for any length of time. But he slept and slept and slept.

My favorite time of day was nap time. At 1:45, S, Q and I would all pile into my bed. Q would side lay and nurse, and S would snuggle up against me. And we would sleep for up to 2 hours. Then wake up and snuggle for awhile. But in the past week, Q has been waking up after about 40 minutes, to laugh and yell and try to wake his brother up. I know, he is 6 months old, he can't be trying to wake him up. But he is. And then S gets up, having taken only half of a nap. So I have been putting S to sleep on his own, while Q and I go relax downstairs. And it makes me so sad. I loved those afternoons with them. I felt like I was finally parenting S the way I wanted, by giving him all the love and affection he wanted.

I know they can't be little forever. I know they won't want to snuggle with Mama forever. So I will enjoy it while it lasts. But I will always remember the first 5-6 months of naps, feeling to close to my boys, sharing sleep.

And damn, it turns out, my body really needed that 1.5-2 hours of sleep. I am dozing off everywhere and can't seem to motivate to do anything.