On Friday, the boys and I drove to NH to see our closest friends P and H. We have known them since 1996 or 1997. A long time. Anyway, H and I went to the town pool and went swimming. Well, we started out in the big pool, but neither boy would allow H to hold them, so I could focus on the other one. Since Q is always with P or I, i had no idea he even noticed me. It was really sweet to see him reaching for me, when he wasn't in my arms. So we went to the wading pool, that was 1 foot deep. I held Q, while he kicked around and bounced up and down; and S played in the water. I love how S has no fear of the water. He found a chair with 3 legs that he kept trying to sit in, in the water. He would tip over backwards, go totally underwater, and come up laughing and sputtering every time. Then we played at the playground and went to P and H's house. Their nephew is 1.5 years older than S, so they played together for another hour or so. It was so nice to be outside, watching the kids play, watching the sun go down. I can't wait until S and Q are old enough to play together like that.
I am still playing hamster wheel in my head with O and her possibly going to visit her family in FL. I don't want her to get hurt. I don't want them to convince her that all is well, so she stays. I don't want them to guilt her into staying. And I am so scared that I finally allowed myself to form a bond with her, and she will leave. I am so worried for how this will go. They are acting like they never said terrible things to her when she chose to stay, or that no one called her on her birthday or xmas. Or that her mother would go 6-8 weeks in between calls; and when she did call it was to yell at her or tell her how bad things were. O is 14, almost 15. She has dealt with more than any kid her age should have to. I know she needs to see them, and maintain contact, but I don't want her (and selfishly, myself, P or the boys) to get hurt any more. Time will tell, I guess.
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