Sleep or Lack There Of

I really thought that this time around, we were avoiding any sleep difficulties.

S broke us in well. We tried for about 12 months to insist he sleep in the crib, take fabulous naps and we wasted obscene amounts of time trying to mold a newborn and then a baby's sleep schedule to what we thought it should be. Match in point, he slept with us from about a year to about 27 months. And finally, in the past 3 weeks, he has been sleeping through the night and taking decent naps. Those months where he wasn't sleeping with us, and we were trying to force the crib were hell. He was up every 15-30 minutes, crying, screaming. And I know, cry it out. We just weren't down with that. He's a baby, and we need to be there for all his needs. Still I remember nodding off on the way to and from work or having to leave work early b/c I was getting migraines from being so tired.

Then Q comes along. He wants to go to bed at 8pm and not be disturbed from then, until about 8am the next day. Of course boob throughout the night is important. And we are co-sleeping. And he is never put down for any length of time. But he slept and slept and slept.

My favorite time of day was nap time. At 1:45, S, Q and I would all pile into my bed. Q would side lay and nurse, and S would snuggle up against me. And we would sleep for up to 2 hours. Then wake up and snuggle for awhile. But in the past week, Q has been waking up after about 40 minutes, to laugh and yell and try to wake his brother up. I know, he is 6 months old, he can't be trying to wake him up. But he is. And then S gets up, having taken only half of a nap. So I have been putting S to sleep on his own, while Q and I go relax downstairs. And it makes me so sad. I loved those afternoons with them. I felt like I was finally parenting S the way I wanted, by giving him all the love and affection he wanted.

I know they can't be little forever. I know they won't want to snuggle with Mama forever. So I will enjoy it while it lasts. But I will always remember the first 5-6 months of naps, feeling to close to my boys, sharing sleep.

And damn, it turns out, my body really needed that 1.5-2 hours of sleep. I am dozing off everywhere and can't seem to motivate to do anything.

And here we go...

First post. So much pressure to convey how clever and interesting this blog has the potential to be. I think it might be a miracle if anyone reads this in the first place, so I think I will just write what I think is interesting or important and go from there.

I realized that I love reading others blogs. Part of it is the total voyuer, getting to peek into others lives. It is also seeing how others do things and what makes sense to other families. I like following their day to day journeys. I also hope this will serve as a record of life during these intense years.

I guess introductions are in order here-

I am Michelle. I am 33 years old. I grew up in CT, now live in MA. I don't know if I could ever leave New England. Seasons are part a part of me at this point. Went to various religious/private schools from 3rd grade on. For college, I went to a little school in VT and finally found myself. I had spent my whole life being the odd one out, and feeling desperate about it. High school gave me a few close friends, but college was where I finally made peace with who I was. It was ok to be a loner, to like to read, to enjoy weird music, and all of those things that no one else really got about me over the years.

My husband is Paul. We met in college. How we met is still being debated, but I remember the first time he hugged me. It was a feeling I wanted to have for the rest of my life. Much rockiness and life drama in the middle, but we are where we want to be now. And he continues to make me happier than I ever knew was possible.

Our step-daughter is Ocean. Paul dated her mom, when her mom was pregnant with her. Then after they broke up, he (and we) stayed involved. And now she lives with us. She is 14, and a hell of a girl. She is the nature nurture debate played out in real life. She loved music, manga and being different. And is so like Paul it makes me happy.

Our first son is Soren. He is 2 years, 6 months. People say 2 is terrible, but I am having a lot of fun. I enjoy every second with him and try to imagine it getting better and can't. Soren is pretty needy and was a very intense baby.

Our second son is Quinneas. He is 6 months old. He is completly different from Soren, which surprised me. He is so mellow and good natured. He sleeps!

Our dog is Yuki. I am a dog person, and do everything I can do to give him love and attention, in the midst of our life chaos.

We are incredibly liberal. We are pretty attachment-y in our parenting. In general, we look at things differently from the general population. Our house is full of books, only 1 tv and 3 computers.

What else? I have worked in Special Education for 10 years. I fell into, and love it. I work nights and weekends now. I stay home with the kids during the day. We play and go to the park and do all the fun things you can do with 2 little people.

I think this is enough of an intro, otherwise you might not want to read more-